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Tlc-cover

The cover of The Loose Canon

The Loose Canon is a Holy Book of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was commisioned by the Second Council of the Olive Garden and is dedicated to St. John the Blasphemist, Saint of Freakin' Awesome Holy Texts. It contains numerous texts relating to the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

BooksEdit

The Old PastamentEdit

The Old Pastament deals with stories set before the Great Revalation, the gsdfaveneral rules for Pastafarianism, the wisdom of the Pastafarians, and prophecies of Pastafarians.

The Pastorical BooksEdit

The Pastorical Books deal with the historyof the Pastafarian people.

  • The Books of Midgiets/Midgits, transcribed by DaveL: deals with a story of creation, the split of the Midgets and Midgits, the coming of the Big People, the split of the Big Ones into Pirates and Lumberjacks, and the departure of the Pirates from Noodle Earth. Abbreviations: Midgets/Midgits, Mids
  • The Creation of Mankind: Presumably deals with the Creation of Mankind, but is lost. Contains this notice: "Ooops, sorry, we sorta lost this one. If it ever turns up, please stick it here. Thanks." -the Second Council of the Olive Garden
  • The Book of Fusili, transcribed by David D.: contained only Chapters 12-13, deals with the FSM flooding the Earth with pasta sauce, his instruction to the Pirate Steve, son of Jeff, to build an pirate ship out of bay leaves, and rescue two of every spice, the rebirth of the Earth, and wow, a beer volcano! Abbreviations: Fusilli, Fus
  • The Book of Penelope, transcribed by Warlord of Elephants: deals with the plight of Pastafarians after the invention of canned pasta, their cooking of noodles without sauce, Penelope's tasting and proclamation, the great carboloading, the declaration of Penelope's prophetship, the first lamnetation of no TV, the hearing of the voice, the second lamnentation of no TV, the crossing of the stream, the ascencion of the mountain, the discovery of the Matron, the Revalation of Beer, third lamnentation of no TV, and the finding of the stripper factory. Abbreviations: Penelope, Pen
  • The Book of Linguini, authored by Pa Stators, transcribed by Roland Deschain: deals with Linguini's sinfullness, his revalation, the invention of pasta, the hangover and recovery of the FSM, the disguise of the FSM, the hospitality of Linguini, the revalation of the FSM, the touch of Linguini, and the FSM's horrible singinging. Abbreviations: Linguini, Lin
  • The Torahtellini Part 2, transcribed by Platypus Enthusiast: deals with the hanging out of the FSM and Abe, the attempted going home of Abe, the debate of Abe and FSM, the ask of sacrifice, the psyche, the circumcision of Abe, the recovery and apology of FSM, the Pastament, the skipping of several generations, thedeparture of Mosey and the Pastafarians from Mount Salsa, the 40 years of wandering, the crime of Mosey, the appointment of Josh, the sighting of the sea, and the departure of the fleet. Abbreviations: Torahtellini 2, Tt 2
  • The Story of the FSM and the Eastern Pirates, transcribed by Tupi and Thrippy: deals withe the flight of the FSM over the Indian Ocean, the discovery of the ship, the trouble of Basta and the cooking of Pasta, the creation of sauce, the touching of the cook, the adding of meatballs, the lack of drink, the trickery and banishment of the Anti-Past, the serving of the meal, the ingratefulness of the crew, the pronouncement of the captain, the repentance of the crew, and the appearance of the FSM. Abbreviations: Eastern, East
  • The Book of Fearsome Pirate Pete, transcribed by Qwertyuiopasd: deals with the fight of Pete with the Ninjas, the gaining of a crew, the trying of Atkinsceticism, the departure of Nikita, the appearance of the FSM, the the retelling of creation, the telling of Heaven, the departure of the FSM, the meeting with Ushnor, the sailing to the North, the crash of the ship due to some great tentacly thing, the meeting with Bob, the beginning of their journey, the meeting with the wolf, the learning of Compassion, the gerbil and snake, the importane of Trustworthiness, the meeting with the bear, the importance of Nonprejudice, the caber-toss and the importance of Humbleness, the injury of Bob, the importance of loyalty, the finding of the lodge, the "feast", the overthrow of Olaf, the return to the Carribean, the going ashore of Pete and Tiny, the capture, the betratl of Nikita, the betrayl of Tiny,the coming of Pete to Heaven, and the Endless Carribean. Abbreviations: Pete, FPP
  • The Tale of Dave and Kyodai, transcribed by Platypus Enthusiast: deals with the continuation of the war, the challenge of Kyodai, the backstory of Dave, the arming of Dave, the victory of Dave, and the celebration of the pirates Abbreviations: Dave, D&K
  • Darwin’s Purge, transcribed by Platypus Enthusiast: deals with the curruption of the ninja, the giving of reason, and the beggining of the purge. Abbreviations: Purge, Prg

The Pastalegal BooksEdit

The Pastalegal Books deal with the rules for living as Pastafarians.

  • The Book of Thinly-Veiled Modern Practice Agreements, transcribed by Ham Nox: gives the rules for dressing like a pirate in modern times, the basis of Halloween Abbreviations: Agreements, Agr
  • The Random Number of Not Commandments, Suggestions, delivered by the FSM: rules for worship and the Holy Meal. Abbreviations: Suggestions, Sug
  • The Book of Piraticus, transcribed by Platypus Enthusiast and Bobby Henderson: the FSM gives rules to Mosey for drinking, morals, holidays, regalia, and following commandments. Abbreviations: Piraticus, Pir
  • A Pasta’s Creed, recorded by Solipsy: tells of Dee Dee the First, her wisdom, and Solipsy the scribe. Abbreviations: Creed, APC
  • Ethical Guidelines for Pirates, transcribed by Captin Redbeard Scurvydog: gives rules for wearing beards Abbreviations: Guidelines, Gdlns
  • Frequently Asked Questions, transcribed by Alpaca and Qwertyuiopasd: tells of the inquisitive pirate Frequently, and the questions he asked of the Dali Lama (who was an alpaca). Abbreviations: FAQ

The Pastoledge BooksEdit

The Pastoledge Books give wisdom for everyday life.

  • The Book of Pastalms, by various: lists prayers to the FSM Abbreviations: Pastalms, Plms
  • The Book of ProvHerbs: the collected wisdom of the Pastafarians. Abbreviations: ProvHerbs, PvH
  • The Song of Semolina: "speaks of the earthly passion our ancestors clearly felt toward The Holy Meal" - First Council of Olive Garden Abbreviations: Semolina, Sem
  • The Pastalamentations of Father Jerome: tells of Fr. Jerome's lamnamentations while in exile. Abbreviations: Jerome, Jer
  • The Revelations of Auntie Dee Dee: a random collection of sentences, supposedly wise Abbreviations: Auntie Dee Dee, ADD
  • The Book of Disco: tells of the evangilisation of the author Abbreviations: Disco, Dis
  • Pirates’ Effects on Global Warming, by Roderick Alan King: gives a theory about why Pirates affect global warming. Abbreviations: Global Warming, Warming, Warm

The Pastalation BooksEdit

The Pastalation Books deal with prophecies

  • The Book of Jeff: Captain Jeff delivers the prophecy of the Messiah. Abbreviations: Jeff
  • The Book of Solipsy: gives Solipsy's visions in his state of illness Abbreviations: Solipsy, Sol
  • The Book of Emergent Patterns, by Roy Hunter and Ubi Dubium: tells of the FSM's failibility. Abbreviations: Patterns, Ptrn
  • The Revelations of St. Jason: tells of St. Jason's vision of Heaven Abbreviations: Jason, Jas

The New PastamentEdit

The New Pastament deals with stories of followers after the Revalation (Apastals) and letters of Church leaders (Epastals)

  • Acts of the Apastals: thells the tales of Ichiban Bach and Tristan the Martyr. Abbreviations: Acts
  • The Letter of Tristan the Martyr to the Future Generations of Society: in which Tristan tries to tell people of his faith. Abbreviations: Tristan, Tris
  • The Open Letter of Bobby Henderson to the Kansas School Board: the letter which brouhgt about the Great Revalation Abbreviations: Bobby
  • An Announcement Regarding the Afterlife, by Solipsy and Auntie Dee Dee: gives the authors' veiws on Pastafarian Hell Abbreviations: Afterlife, Aftl
  • Muellers 1 by Solipsy: letter to the Macaronians about entry into Heaven Abbreviations: Muellers 1, Mul 1
  • Muellers 2 by Solipsy: letter to the Macaronians about Flimsy Moral Standard Abbreviations: Muellers 2, Mul 2
  • Pirate Aaahhhhrrrrr’s Letter to the Privateers: in which Aaahhhhrrrr tells of his vision of Heaven Abbreviations: Aaahhhhrrrrr, Ahr
  • First Letter from Edd to the Forum Members: advises posters not to lurk, but not to be overly prolific. Abbreviations: 1 Forum Members, 1 For
  • Second Letter from Edd to the Forum Members: tells forum posters to be tolerant Abbreviations: 2 Forum Members, 2 For
  • First Letter from Edd to the Slackers: tells people not to half-ass things Abbreviations: 1 Slackers, 1 Slack
  • First Letter from Edd to the Partiers: advises people to party within their tastes. Abbreviations: 1 Partiers, 1 Party
  • First Letter from Edd to the Infallible: if you are to blame, take the blame. Abbreviations: 1 Infallible, 1 Inf
  • A Letter from ADoS to the Dying: gives ADoS's veiw on last rites Abbreviations: ADoS, Dying, Death
  • The Correspondence of Captain Jeff the Mishunairee and the leaders of Hillel: in which Capt. Jeff attempts to gain the support of a Jewish campus organization. Abbreviations: Hillel, Hill
  • The Letter of Captain Jeff the Mishunairee to the Googlists: warns people of the Dark Lord Darwin. Abbreviations: Googlists, Goog
  • The Letter of Captain Jeff the Mishunairee to the Rutgers University Campus Crusade for Christ: in which Capt. Jeff attempts to gain the support of a Christian campus organization Abbreviations: CCC
  • The Sermon on the Mall by Captain Jeff: Capt. Jeff attempts to evangelize Rutgers University. Abbreviations: Sermon on the Mall, SotM
  • Qwertyuiopasd’s Letter to the Evangelists: the author discusses tolerance Abbreviations: Qwerty
  • Revelations 1: The Book of Revealed Crapola: random writings by various people Abbreviations: 1 Revelations, 1 Rev
  • Revelations 2: The Revenge transcribed by Roy Hunter: a prophecy of the Apastalypse. Abbreviations: 2 Revelations, 2 Rev

FAKES, FRAUD & UNAUTHORIZED LIES:

A fake edition of the Loose Canon titled, "The Loose Canon Complete Second Edition" was published by Eric Whitfield on January 18, 2014 but it is not the real Loose Canon. It was published in the spirit of preserving the Loose Canon for future generations for at least 400 years. Even though the goal is noble the efforts were not authorized by the Council of the Olive Garden and thus should be ignored. This book is not to be purchased by real Pastafarians. Since it is a fake edition then it should only be purchased by fake Pastafarians. This is not the real deal and it is in no way "complete" as the title implies.

External linksEdit

  • [1], the full text of the Loose Canon

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