Holidays are celebrations, you moron. Oh you mean the holidays of His Noodleyness? Oh.. Ok
On this horrid day (Monday) one person (Normally a Moron) is nominated as a sacrifice (Said person will not die.) 400 bowls of pasta is made and poured over the sacrifice and then the sacrifice is forced to eat it. Then the sacrifice is stoned to near death and left for 2 weeks. "Those who want to rid the Doleful day must play with stones and Normans." - FUM, Meatiness 12:3
IMPORTANT NOTE: Most of this violates the second condiment. Follow at your own peril.
LESS IMPORTANT NOTE: In modern day pastafarianism, most pastafarians elect to remember the horridness of Monday by sacrificing their own free time and beginning their week of woes, also known as work. In this way, the sacrifice is shared. One may elect to consume a bowl of pasta on this day to ease the sorrow.
Date: Friday, obviously
Friday is the Sabbath of His Noodleynes. But it isn't celebrated by going to church or anything, Its celebrated in the most bad-ass way, drinking and relaxing,That's it. "the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath" - SM, Piratical 9:5
International Talk Like A Pirate DayEdit
Date: September 19
On LAPDOG, people talk like a Pirate. This is to celebrate our Piratical Hermitage, and is the only day a year that we can PLAT without being persecuted. And it is suggested to dress in sanitarian headgear (A spaghetti strainer) or pirate wear. It's a big day. communism is eat!
Feast of St. John the BlasphemyEdit
(Saint of Made up Holidays and Freak'n Awesome Holy Texts)
Date: October 1st
Any and all persons who look fantastic naked may dress up as a stripper instead of a pirate if they wish to do so. Naked dancing around a pole made of metal is considered a holy dance, and all true Pastafarian should throw $5 bills at any and all strippers professing Unitarianism in said place of nude (not topless) pole dancers.
The Feast of St. John the Blasphemy is when all the Pastafarian in the region gather together, either in a park of dinning room, and are served the sacred pasta and sauce. It is also served with Rum to give homage to our divine ancestors, the Pirates.
The pasta is usually eaten while wearing traditional Sanitarian headgear (Spaghetti strainer) or pirate gear in honor of his goodly goodness and the pirate Mosey who spread his word. The sauce is poured on top of the sacred pasta and is always perfectly served, never to much or to little. In some churches, this holiday is used to celebrate the great boil, and say a prayer while adding salt to the boiling water.
There is a designated Team of Cooks that is chosen to prepare the pasta, each with a youthful Apprentice to prepare the sauce. This is considered to be a great honor amongst the Sanitarian youth. After the sauce and pasta have been prepared the Team of Cooks must then begin the Ritual of Seasoning.
The Ritual of Seasoning
During the Ritual of Seasoning, all Apprentices and non-cooks must leave the kitchen. The Team of Cooks will then form a semi-circle around the oven which the pasta with sauce are being held. The designated Head Chef will then begin with a Pastafarian prayer of his choosing. He will then close his eyes and reach for the seasoning, and take one at random. His Woodenly Appendage will determine which seasoning and spices he chooses, but it is up to the Head Chef may choose the amount to be used.
After the Ritual, the family may then eat the food served by the Team of Cooks in whatever room they desire and talk about the upcoming Halloween. Many talk about how their pirate costumes will vary from last year's. After the first pasta bowl is finished, the Apprentices must then serve the Rum to all of legal age or with their' parent's consent. If they are children, give them soda with a few drops of Rum.
Date: October 31
Same as regular Halloween, except you may only dress up as pirates or wenches. If not, you will be beaten and served the food of our enemies...... Vegan Tofu(Most of the punishment is in violation of the Second and Third Condiments, but you should remain alert in case you have to improvise a costume).
Date: Anytime from Late November to Early January
This is our feast in the Holiday Season. Wearing a spaghetti strainer on one's head is suggested for one day out of the great holiday. Greet people by saying "Happy Holiday(s)". This is the time of year where they all meet and have a giant orgy consisting of every person who believes in the religion and also a metric tonne of spaghetti and meatballs. The FSM blesses your poor soul children. It also includes at least one party and lots of drinking.