Holidays are celebrations, you moron. Oh you mean the holidays of His Noodleyness? Oh.. OK!
On this horrid day (Monday) one person (normally a Moron) is nominated as a Sacrifice. (Said person will not die. Allegedly.) Four hundred bowls of pasta are made and are poured over the Sacrifice, then the Sacrifice is forced to eat it. Then the Sacrifice is stoned nearly to the point of death, and is left for two weeks.
"Those who want to rid the Doleful day must play with stones and Normans." - FUM, Meatiness 12:3
IMPORTANT NOTE: Most of these sacrificial practices violate the Second Condiment. Follow at your own peril.
LESS IMPORTANT NOTE: In modern-day Pastafarianism, most Pastafarians elect to remember the terror of the Monday Sacrifice by sacrificing their own free time and beginning their week of woes, also known as "work." In this way, the sacrifice is shared. One may elect to consume a bowl of pasta on this day to ease the sorrow.
Date: Friday, obviously
Friday is the Sabbath of His Noodleynes. But it isn't celebrated by going to church or anything. It's celebrated in the most bad-ass way: drinking and relaxing, that's it. "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath" - SM, Piratical 9:5
Date: The first Friday in April, Friday during Passover, or Good Friday (Eastern and Western)
Depending on how the calendar aligns, it may be possible to celebrate Pastover several times - never waste an opportunity to celebrate!
Pastover is a holiday celebrated in honor of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's decision to not kill all humans, but just the vegans who had tried to force the short order chefs into slavery. His Noodleyness told the prophet Mosey to tell the chefs to slather their doors with spaghetti sauce, so he could know not to kill them.
This holiday is celebrated on the first Friday in April, and Pastafarians still anoint their doors the same way that the chefs of old did. A large feast is held in which all believers must eat two bowls of spaghetti, which are first blessed so that the spirit of Our Creator may flow into them. In addition, Pastafarians are not allowed to harm each other in any way and must do no work the entire week.
Date: During the Muslim holiday of Ramadan
Ramendan is analogous to the Islamic period of fasting, prayer, and charity known as Ramadan. Ramendan comes around the same time of Ramadan, and there are indeed similarities between the two holidays. However, a major difference between the two is that Pastafarians do not fast or pray, as doing so would conflict with their flimsy moral standards. Instead, Pastafarians spend a few days of the month eating only Ramen noodles and remembering back to their days as starving college students. This simple act teaches Pastafarians to be happy about what they've accomplished, and if they haven't accomplished anything yet, to at least be happy that they are Pastafarians. Celebrating in complete pirate attire is encouraged, but a simple eye patch will be fine. Ramendan is the least commercial of the Pastafarian holidays, which is not saying a lot, since you aren't going to see a Pastover sale at Macy's any time soon. At the end of Ramendan, Pastafarians are encouraged to give their extra Ramen to those who are more needy.
International Talk Like A Pirate DayEdit
Date: September 19
On this day, people talk like a Pirate. This is to celebrate our Piratical Hermitage, and is the only day a year that we can pasta without being persecuted. And it is suggested to dress in Sanitarian headgear (A spaghetti strainer) or pirate wear. It's a big day!
Feast of St. John the BlasphemyEdit
(Saint of Made up Holidays and Freak'n Awesome Holy Texts)
Date: October 1st
Any and all persons who look fantastic naked may dress up as a stripper instead of a pirate if they wish to do so. Nude pole-dancing is considered sacred, and all true Pastafarians should throw $5 bills at any and all strippers performing the sacrament of Exotic Dance (nude, not merely topless), in sacrosanct "gentlemen's clubs".
The Feast of St. John the Blasphemy is when all the Pastafarians in the region gather together, either in a park or dinning room, and are served the sacred pasta and sauce. It is also served with Rum to pay homage to our divine ancestors, the Pirates.
The pasta is usually eaten while wearing traditional Sanitarian headgear (Spaghetti strainer) or pirate gear, in honor of his Goodly Goodness and his pirate Mosey who spread his word. The sauce is poured on top of the sacred pasta and is always perfectly served, never too much or too little. In some churches, this holiday is used to celebrate the Big Boil by saying a prayer whilst adding salt to the boiling water.
A designated Team of Cooks is chosen to prepare the pasta, each with a youthful Apprentice to prepare the sauce. This is considered to be a great honor amongst the Sanitarian youth. After the sauce and pasta have been prepared, the Team of Cooks must then begin the Ritual of Seasoning.
The Ritual of Seasoning
During the Ritual of Seasoning, all Apprentices and non-cooks must leave the kitchen. The Team of Cooks will then form a semi-circle around the Preparational Altar of the pasta and sauce (namely, the stove). The designated Head Chef will then begin with a Pastafarian prayer of his choosing. He will then close his eyes and reach toward the Rack of Spices, and pick blindly. His Woodenly Appendage will determine which random seasonings and spices he chooses, but the Head Chef may choose the amount to be used.
After the Ritual, the family may then eat the food served by the Team of Cooks in whatever room they desire and talk about the upcoming Halloween. Many talk about how their pirate costumes will vary from last year's. After the first pasta bowl is finished, the Apprentices must then serve the Rum to all of legal age or with their parent's consent. If they are children, give them soda with a few drops of Rum.
Date: October 31
Same as regular Halloween, except you may only dress up as pirates or wenches. If not, you will be served the food of our enemies: vegan tofu! (Most of the punishment is violates of the Second and Third Condiments, but you should remain alert in case you have to improvise a costume.)
Date: Anytime from Late November to Early January
The feast of Holiday is held during the Holiday Season. Wearing a spaghetti strainer on one's head is suggested for one day out of the great Holiday. Greet people by saying: Happy Holiday(s)!
This is the time of year when all meet and have a giant orgy, consisting of all Believers and a metric tonne of spaghetti and meatballs.
The FSM blesses your poor soul children.
Holiday also includes at least one party and lots of drinking.