This shows the Early History of the world according to Pastafarianism.
The Five DaysEdit
- Main article: The Five Days
On the first day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster separated the water from the heavens. On the second -- because He could not tread water for long and had grown tired of flying -- He created the land and complemented it with a Beer Volcano. Satisfied, the Flying Spaghetti Monster overindulged in beer from the Beer Volcano and woke up hungover. Between drunken nights and clumsy afternoons, the Flying Spaghetti Monster produced seas and land (for a second time, because He forgot that He created it the day before) along with Heaven and a midget, which He named Man. Man and an equally short woman lived happily in the Olive Garden of Eden for some time until the Flying Spaghetti Monster caused a global flood in a cooking accident. (While emptying His Holy Pasta Pot of water, He did not pay attention to where this water was going.)
- 1/1/5000BFSM- The first day appears. The FSM creates large balls of flaming gas, which accidentally leak water, creating seas. It was pretty weird for the stars to be immersed in the ocean, so the FSM separated them and created vast galaxies and cosmic stuff.
- 1/2/5000BFSM- The second day appears. The FSM creates filment, which He renames "Land", since "filment-ho!" didn't sound as good as "land-ho!" The FSM creates a volcano that releases beverages and decides to keep it in heaven near the stars instead of the land.
- 1/3/5000BFSM- Somewhere in the Indian Ocean, the FSM was hungover, and forgot what He had created the previous day, so He renamed the land "Earth." Then He grew lush jungles of rice, grass, semolina and ferns.
- 1/4/5000BFSM- The FSM created more stars including the sun and moon.
- 1/5/5000BFSM- The Big Bang happened and a tree and mountains and midget were created. It is important to note that the FSM later doubted the wisdom of creating said midget.
Creation clearly produced mixed results. In other religions, this is ascribed to the Creator God(s) being temperamental, having unclear goals, or being just not very good at this sort of thing. In Pastafarianism, the FSM's theodicy is a simple consideration of which parts of the universe were created when the FSM was hungover, bleary, day-drinking, drunk, binge drinking, or blackout drunk. The FSM's blackouts and drunken fumbling do not actually diminish His omniscience and omnipotence; the resolution of this apparent paradox is obvious, although only in states of appropriately advanced intoxication. In short: He was drunk, and so sometimes you need to be too.